Woke up this morning to lil mister tapping on my cheek at 4:30a. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to do this day, I tried to make a deal, to bribe, even blackmail mister to sleep just a bit longer. He was excited because his worker was coming to take him out for breakfast, but Noah doesn’t tell time yet so breakfast is when he wakes up. Ive been sleeping on the pullout couch because my shoulder injury makes it difficult for me to get in and out of the loft, so I rolled out of bed and walked the three steps to make coffee only to find out the coffee can was empty. I knew this yesterday but even though I have been to Walmart two times since I still have not remembered to buy coffee, as a matter of fact, I still have NO COFFEE ! As a I said yesterday, the pastor of my church passed away on Friday of this week, today would be our first Sunday without him. Really, I just did not want to do this. If I just stayed in bed I could just pretend everything was fine and I was just playing hooky from church. I’m still in shock. Our church is small with the core people numbering around 50. I knew I needed to be there with my church family but I just hadn’t had time to process the reality of this, I still haven’t in its entirety. Noahs worker came and I did manage to build up some emotional fortitude, get my big girl pants on, got myself out of my pjs, put on my face and started the 20 minute drive to church. The reason I’m telling you all this is because this little church out in the middle of nowhere Maine is the absolute best when it comes to messy, after I tell you what happened today you will see why. I pulled in the parking lot and saw all the same familiar cars I see every Sunday, all but Pastors. I noticed that right off, it was getting a bit real, I panicked for a minute but I pushed through. I stared at the front door with a lump in my throat but forced my self out of the car. As I reached the front door it opened and standing there to meet me was one of the men of our church, he greeted me with a hug and talked with me for a few minutes about Pastor. The sanctuary was full of the same people I have grown to love over the last 10 years. Tears running down their faces. I forced myself into my seat. Over the next hour and a half I watched in awe as this little church did the most beautiful thing with their pain and tears, they didn’t fall apart like we all feel like we might do when tragedy strikes, they pulled together. The ladies sang with tears running down their faces, the men came in between each song and gave testimony about our pastor and they fought tears too. Love filled the church and in our mess no one was left alone. As a matter of fact they turned their tragedy into strength , honor and love. The men in our church stood up and lead in compassion and humbleness with a drop of a hat. It was the most powerful witness I have ever seen. It was a testimony to our Savior and to the Shepard who led us for 14 years. I could tell stories about pastor all night and all the selfless work he did in the shelter ministry and our congregation but my real point in sharing this is mess done right breeds love.
Feeling small in this tiny house, feeling unsure, antsy with so many things unfinished in my life but feeling powerless to finish them. This shoulder injury is really got a hold on me, my first instinct is to push through it but that is what got me here in this position to begin with. So I’m here, trying to heal, trying to be patient and listen to God in this place. I’m trying to be understanding and forgiving. I’m looking hard for the gifts in this. Lack of sleep has made it even fuzzier. I pray and pray. Pray that somehow God will touch my lips and help the words that I speak be understood. Misunderstandings, misinterpretations seem to run amuck in times of adversity. Humaning in this Tiny house, there is no place to hide. Time to walk the talk and do it anyway. Inspite of this we are still here, though I’m not sure where my house payment and bill money will come from next month as I am unable to work, we have it this month. We are still loved, we still had a beautiful Christmas with family and friends. I haven’t failed, not yet anyway. I really just wanted to stop by and let you all know that I am thinking of you and miss you all. Please don’t give up on Tiny House On The Spectrum, we are still here fighting for the dream. I will be back to blogging daily as before hopefully soon. Until then I will post when I am able. Thank you ALL
Good Night Folks
Why would this be your usual Thanksgiving thankfulness story ? This is the tiny house on the spectrum, nothing is your usual around here and that is the first thing I am thankful for. What else am I thankful for . I’m thankful that I have found a place in my life were I can be me and stand for what I believe in and still be flexible enough to love people who believe diffently from me (I haven’t always been that way) I’m thankful that I no longer worry about what other people think to the point I’m tied up in anxiety. I’m thankful that on my way home tonight there was a big truck riding my butt with their high beams on and a car in front of me going 15 miles under the speed limit, instead of going straight to being up set, I noticed the car in front of me had Florida plates, I thought to myself they must have been terrified of the winter roads. The guy behind me forgot to hit his dimmer button and really he wasn’t on my butt, his butt was just big. I am thankful we were able to spend time with family and Noah did not meltdown even one time. I’m thankful for my 13 year old car and quarter tred snow tires, I know that I am doing the best I can and these things keep me depending on my faith and have given me the experience to know that I can. I’m thankful for being alone because if I ever get married again I will not take that gift for granted. I’m thankful for this story , this journey and that you are here right now sharing it with me, it will make us both stronger people. Most of all I am thankful that there is a God that is bigger than all this and he is looking down on us, he is standing right beside us through all of this and he loves us….he knows the whys and the why nots and he is working everything just the way it should be because he knows the end of the story.
Happy Thanksgiving Folks !